So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You are the jesus of drinking
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize