My first STD was from a foam party
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize