i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize