I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize