OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
