i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
