So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
