drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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