Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
