she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
In America we eat man semen.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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