there's paper in my vomit.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
