You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
