she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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