im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize