I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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