so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
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