As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
