are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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