now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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