I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
