I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
