Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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