our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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