I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
