the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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