Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
