You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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