You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
