So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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