He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
