rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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