i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize