im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
