Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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