I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
