i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
