Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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