Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
