dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
