i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
