yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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