she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's always time for handjobs
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
