i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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