Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he shaved USA in his pubs
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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