Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So much rum. So many feels.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
