I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
