So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
