): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
