I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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