Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
