god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You took a bar mat shot.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
