Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize