i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
