he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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