if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
