tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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