does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
