The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
