...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
