I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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