I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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