Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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