is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
