DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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