You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
