she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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