i just google imaged poop.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
