carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
