First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
