can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
this hospital has no fireball
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
