You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize