i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
