its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i came on her dog
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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