Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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