Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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