Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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