My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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