Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
