She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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