does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
