After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
