I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just pee around me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
