I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
