Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize