I just pynch a tree in the face
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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