Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
