Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
being pregnant is like rehab
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
